Tuesday, August 15, 2017

First Day of Fifth Grade

Sophia headed off to fifth grade this morning. It's her last year in elementary school. Captain makes fifth graders feel special all year, and they do a wonderful job of helping them transition to middle school. She has had a rough few weeks of nervous energy and fears around the beginning of school, but she was off and ready this morning!

Leo and I are adjusting, but maybe a little sad...

It really does promise to be a great year. And the routine of school is going to be a lift for all of us! I'm excited to see what this year brings. For me, it looks like I'm going to still be at home - spending my time volunteering and with a small job. I get to focus on helping Sophia and myself, and Erick when he needs it, through everything that comes next!

Monday, July 17, 2017

Goodbyes are so hard

My Grandma Lock passed away a week ago yesterday. It's hard for me to write about this particular loss for some reason. Maybe it's because she never liked to be the center of attention. Maybe it's just because I'm not ready. Since I know I'll never be ready, I'll just give it a go.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I believe that it's hard to write about her because she was too essential to describe. It's like trying to describe the ocean just by talking about the waves. Or describing a quilt just by using color. I can't find the right way to describe what she meant to me because every time I try to pin it down, it slips away. Here are my best efforts.

Grandma was as constant as the stars. Always there with a cup of tea and an ear when you needed it. She was the best listener. It must have been the practice of living with an epic storyteller. She always seemed to know when you had a story to share and just how to draw it out.

I will miss her whimsy the most. When we were kids, she loved to tell us stories about the fairies and the sprites. All of her favorite recipes included a good story as their most important ingredient. With the practical, and sometimes hard, life that is farming, my grandparents - especially grandma - made sure to take time out to have light-hearted fun.

Service was her daily bread. I don't know that she went a day of her life, at least as long as I knew her, without doing at least one thing for someone who needed it. She was always thinking of others, trying to ease the burden of someone else. It's what did the most to ease her own.

The surface has been scratched. I hate saying goodbye. Sophia and I are baking up a storm and sharing it with our world. Grandma made the world a better place every day, and I'll try to do the same.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Little Grand Canyon - Pomona, IL

Although I haven't been great about posting about it, we are still trying to do some of the 60 Hikes within 60 Miles of St. Louis. 

There is one in particular that I've had my eye on since we got the book. The description is so lovely and the length was just right (3.8 miles). I've wanted to go for years, but the reality is that it is two hours away from us. Also, with the unknown, that can make for a very miserable day with a child who hates being hot and/or tired.

So, being as today was my first day with Sophia away at Cub Creek Camp, I decided to keep my mind off how much I miss her by finally going on this hike. 

After a pretty lengthy jaunt along a ridge, I was starting to wonder when I was going to see some of the vistas promised in the book.

Finally, I came to this. Now, I've been on several hikes in Illinois that have this same view, so I admit that I was a little disappointed and confused. The "Little Grand Canyon" wasn't seeming very canyony.

Back at the beginning of the trail, there had been a sign that said the lower trails were closed because of flooding. However, since there weren't any actual barriers, and I'm sure the sign was old, I decided to take off on one of the lower trails.

While the trail was lovely and dotted with streams, I was having a hard time understanding the fuss. It just felt like I was in a steep valley more than a canyon.

Then, I happened upon the end of the trail, so to speak. The only way forward was down and through.

This was looking back up a draw after I had descended it. Now we were talking. I was not exactly positive that I was on the right path, but I came across some other hikers at just the moment I was starting to doubt.

After a lengthy hike and splash through lots of canyon like the one above, I emerged into this:

I'm still not sure exactly what that was, but the ground was still soft from flooding. The only way to go was to turn back into the woods. I wasn't sure I was on the right trail because through here it was all flat and cleared out from water. Footprints were helpful, but going many different directions. Then I noticed the diamond. I had seen them earlier but didn't need them. Once I spotted them on this side, I was grateful!

The rest of this lower hike was next to a steep cliff and a little stream. Very nice and peaceful. Then I came to the next sign.

Go back the way you came or up the draw. So, I went up the draw. The picture below is the first of many levels.

It was an incredibly fun hike. However, I won't be taking Sophia back with me. Even if she could make it up and down the draws without slipping or deal with the mosquitos, I'm sure she couldn't deal with the piles of larvae that I had to pass to get out of there.

So glad I took this little adventure! A rigorous hike with lots to see, but really none of the views I was expecting. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017


When I married Erick fifteen years ago, fifteen years sounded like a long time. Now, I realize fifteen years is just the beginning. I don't feel like we have reached some sort of threshold or that we've made it. I am still amazed every day that I get to wake up next to my favorite person - even when I don't want to admit he's my favorite.

Fifteen years ago, we were kids. We're still young and have a lot to learn about each other and ourselves. It's the best part of my life. And I have lots to be grateful for. 

Sunday, May 21, 2017


Hey this is Sophia! Today I would like to tell you how my dream came true. Well, almost... Today my mom told me that doing horse back riding for a month is almost as expensive as pasture boarding a horse. ( That means we would get to keep our horse in the pasture. ) So my parents said that if I take a break from lesson, didn't do shows, and no pony club. I could possibly get my very own horse. Now I know you are probably thinking, " Sophia, just wait to get a horse until you can do all that!" But you don't understand, I have wanted a horse ever sense I started horse back riding almost 4 years ago. So the fact that it is possible to get a horse of my own. I would get to ride anytime I wanted to. My mom said I could do practice shows too. So yeah. But my parents said, "We will not be getting a horse in 2017." But 2018 is so far away. :(  But by the time 2018 rolls around I might be a lot better of a horse rider and not need as much work as far as lessons go. Having a horse would be a time commitment, but one I am very ready to take!

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Captain Tradition

Every year, the Captain fourth and fifth grade chorus sings either the National Anthem or God Bless America at the beginning of a Cardinals game. We have been to the game to hang out with our school friends most years, but this was Sophia's first year to get onto the field herself. They sang God Bless America and did an amazing job. Sophia was little nervous. She was more nervous about getting back  to her seat than singing the song, but the music teacher has yet to lose a kid on this trip.

I'm putting this picture here because I love it so much. These two people are just the absolute best. And they are at their happiest at a Cardinals game. So I had to take advantage of that.

I am deeply in debt to our friend who taught Sophia to keep score. She always prefers to watch the game to talking or playing, but now she is fully engaged in each play. Far more than I am.

The hardest part for me to believe is that she only has one more year of this tradition. I hate this growing up thing. It really puts a different twist on things. 

Monday, May 15, 2017

Grief and Joy

This isn't really going to be a post about grief. I haven't done one of those in a great while, but I'm not going to focus on that part today.

This weekend, Sophia, Erick and I went to his family farm to say goodbye to his grandma. We hadn't seen her in about three years, as she has been living in Oregon, but Erick did get a chance to talk to her occasionally. She would have been 97 this week! What a long, full life she lived.

The weekend was, in turns, heartbreaking and joyous. Sophia and I have not had the chance to get to know Erick's extended family well, with just a few exceptions. When I asked Sophia about her takeaway, she declared that it's a family of "unique individuals." Not a one would disagree with that, nor take it as slander, since that's certainly not how she meant it. There's very little that she values more than individuality. So what a treat to find that she comes from such interesting folk.

As families always do, we ended the weekend by saying that we mustn't wait for the next sad occasion to bring us together. I truly hope we can keep to that as I'd love to get to know these guys and their families!