Happy 18th Birthday, Sophia!!!

 Happy birthday, Sophia!

It's hard for me to put into words what this birthday means. At the end of the day today, things will be really similar to the way things were at the end of your 17th birthday. The reason it feels so big is that this is the year that you get to act on the dreams and plans you've been making since you were little. 

Watching you begin to put the pieces together has been miraculous. Your bravery has put you on the lookout for adventures that will meet your needs and made you willing to step outside your comfort zone to take risks worth taking. Your passion and curiosity are leading you into areas you may not have been open to before you built trust in your judgment and abilities! Through everything, your sense of humor and care for others shines through and draws people along with you.

Spending some time with you reading through the funny and insightful things you have said in the past was a lot of fun. I'm glad that you felt, as I do, that you are still that same wise and hilarious person, now with real life experience! My wish, as it is most years, is that this year will bring more self love for you than the last. With more moments where you recognize your brilliance for yourself, you'll have more freedom to take each step onto your own path.

I'm anxious about the year ahead. But as you have said so brilliantly, I'm not scared. I'm "scited." Is that how you would spell it? Regardless, I'm excited to see what's next!

I love you so much, Sophia. Being your mom is the greatest joy of my life and always will be, even as you are growing into adulthood. It's the very best. 

I hope you have a wonderful day today and feel celebrated by everyone that loves you!! You deserve it. 

Love,

Mom

 Happy birthday, Sophia! 
I am so happy to get to spend a day - even if it's a crazy one for you - celebrating you with every second we have together. And I'll be thinking about you and your special day even when we're not in the same place. Because your birthday is one of my favorite days, too!
Laurie

This year has been one of the hardest years we've faced as a family. I have been amazed by the way that you have managed things in your own time and in your own way. I know you've come to depend on your friends in a whole new way this year, and I am so pleased that you have a support system that you can count on no matter what. I'm glad that your people know you well enough to keep you from escaping inside yourself when things get out of control. And I'm so happy that you know yourself well enough to reach out, too.

You continue to be the kind of person that instills confidence and trust, and it's no wonder that your friends love to be around you - almost as much as Dad and I do. We are adjusting to your independence, and I'm trying to learn to be cool with the space you need. I am so proud of you, Sophia. I am proud when you get amazing grades or try out for plays or memorize your lines or help a friend when they're hurting or take a nap when you need one or push yourself to learn huge dance routines or express honestly when you need help. I'm just proud every moment of every day because of who you are. 

This coming year has such great possibilities for you. I'm excited to watch you continue to navigate the big questions and begin to take steps forward in your chosen path. My hope for you this year is that the confidence that others have in you can take hold in ways that make it possible for you to move and act with as much boldness as you'd like. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and regardless, I feel sure when I say, "You've got this!" 

Love you so much, Sophia! Happy, happy birthday!

Happy SWEET 16, Sophia!!

 Dear Sophia,

Sixteen years ago, you delighted us all by showing up on your own schedule. You have continued to

choose your own path in every way, and it’s a pleasure to watch.

Being along for the ride is the biggest joy of my life. I am so grateful to know you as well as I do, not only because you’re my kid but because you are a truly wonderful human. Thank you for letting us in!

I am proud of all that you have accomplished this year. You have faced many fears and continue to bravely step beyond your comfort zone. It has been inspiring and a little scary for me to watch you navigate your ever burgeoning life.

You continue to be the kind of loyal friend that any person would be lucky for life to have. Your capacity for love is truly boundless. As your mom, I hate how that opens you up to more pain, but you blow me away by bravely loving in spite of the risk. It’s frickin amazing. We’ll be here for you along the way as it becomes more full of joy and of everything else.

As always, my dearest wish for you is for you to see yourself the way others see you, even just a little bit. We think you are just the coolest thing to happen, and I wish it was easier for you to see the amazing parts of being you, along with the parts that make moments difficult.

I love you, Sophia. More than I imagined possible, and you know I’ve got a great imagination.

Happy, happy birthday, Soph. I hope you feel celebrated and loved in the midst of your scheduling storm.

Love,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

 Dear Sophia,

Happy, happy birthday! As you say, Mondays are the worst days, for birthdays and otherwise. I hope you feel celebrated even though it's the start to another week!

The last six weeks of being 14 have brought more change and potential than the whole other 46 weeks put together! It's been exciting and scary, even for me to watch, so I can only imagine how this birthday will feel putting all of this into reality. Fifteen is a big deal, as they all are. I have a lot of hope, as you know, for what this year will bring for you. My hope is that this is one of the years where you can start putting the pieces together of all the things you've learned about yourself and the world. The possibilities come with risk, it's true.

You are facing the changes and challenges head on, and I'm so proud of you. As always, your strength and bravery are in the spotlight. It isn't easy to deal with so much pressure while trying to continue your journey of self discovery, and you are building back what you lost in the past couple of years with honesty and compassion as your foundation. 

While there is plenty of serious stuff happening, there is also laughter and fun at the heart of many of your days. All one has to do is listen and get to know you to understand how truly funny and clever you are. It's fun just to be around when you decide the world should be laughing. You always manage to find a way to make it so.

I feel grateful each day to be in your universe. This day and every day. This year and every year. I become a better person just by being in your orbit and learning what you already know to be true about this place. Your observations are the best observations - whether they are fun or poignant. 

Love you so very much, Sophia. Happy, happy, happy birthday!

Mom

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Happy, happy birthday, Sophia!!

Today is usually your favorite day of the year, and I am hopeful that this year will be no different in that respect. 

This year has been an exercise in flexibility and disappointment. This is true for all of us, of course, but for a person in their first year of the "teenage" years, it's been especially hard. In last year's letter, I talked about how you were getting a handle on all the ways that you could step away and grow your independent self! That was true and exciting. This pandemic has called for a lot more creativity in terms of separation and freedom. You're at home with your parents way more than you were planning. Fewer opportunities to stretch those wings, but many more opportunities to show maturity.

This year has proven that you can do hard things. Very few things have been as easy as they should have been this year, but you have met it all with courage. I am so proud of the way you've handled every hiccup and disappointment. It's also been proven that you are a true and reliable friend. It's not easy to connect with friends right now, but I've been so impressed at your willingness to put yourself out there and take a risk in order to have real connection. Again, an inspiration, Sophia.

In spite of many changes, some things remain the same. You are so funny. Even in the midst of whatever we're in the midst of right now, you can reliably make us laugh. You are so full of love - for your family, friends and maybe especially for Leo. Your sweetness and your humor truly bring so much joy into our home. One of my favorite things, and this has been true for years, is the way that you continually attempt to discover and create the person you are and who you want to be. That is no small thing, and people decades older than you have yet to master the skill of self-discovery. 

What do I even hope for you for this year? I hope that you continue to find ways to be yourself and believe in yourself. If you had a fraction of the faith in you that I do, you would know that you can face anything that comes your way. Since I don't know what this year holds, that's what I want most for you. 

I can't believe it's been 14 years since I first held you and looked down into that perfect face. Even though I have to look up into your beautiful face now, I still feel the same wonder and joy just knowing that you're ours.

Happy birthday, Sophia. Love you so much!

Mom

Happy ThirTEEN!!

Happy birthday, Sophia! 

I cannot believe that you’re 13 today. I know you’re a bit in shock about the whole thing as well. I just want to say, “You’ve got this!” That’s what you most need to hear today and every day.

Of course you still need Dad and me, but you truly have a handle on this thing. You are

responsible, clever, and kind. You are generous and loyal and brave. Life doesn’t get

much easier than this, but in many ways it doesn’t get a lot harder either. And you’ve

got this. You are navigating responsibilities, relationships, and expectations with an open

heart, and that will pay off.

I am so proud of you every day. Grateful that you continue to be the remarkable girl

that you’ve been since the beginning. I looked back through my other letters to you,

and every bit is still true. When you were five, I said, “You make us smile, and you

challenge us to be more true to ourselves.” You continue to bring out the best in us, and
I still work to be worthy of being your mom. Guiding such a beautiful light 
through this world is a responsibility I take very seriously. Perfection is not an option, though 
I know you’d love to think otherwise.

Happy birthday, honey. I hope that you know how special you are! May the teenage

years be ones of love and grace and power for you.

Love you always,

Mom

An Even Dozen

Happy birthday, Sophia!

Today is a strange day for us because you're waking up at sixth grade camp instead of in your bed at home. I never realized that I took those birthday hugs for granted. Don't worry. I will make up for it when you get off that bus tonight!

Twelve feels like a big deal. They all feel like a big deal when I'm writing your letter. Seriously, though, twelve is a huge transition year. Middle school has already started and rocked our worlds a bit.

You are the same sweet, thoughtful, funny girl you've always been. Now those qualities are being tested from the outside. This year all the things that make you who you are will start crystallizing into the adult version of you.

Most of all, I want you to begin to learn to love and accept yourself. You get so frustrated by who you are sometimes, wondering why you're sensitive or afraid. I hope that this is the year that you start seeing yourself for the brave little warrior that you are. And, yes, I use "little" loosely, since you're an inch taller than I am already. I want, more than anything, for you to see yourself occasionally the way others see you. Persistent, quirky, fun and smart. You do know these things about yourself, but you tend to outweigh the parts of yourself that make the days a little longer for you. I just hope you start paying attention to all the things that make you the most awesome kid I know.

Every day that we get to spend with you is a gift. Your presence and friendship is a blessing to all who know you. I love you, and I am so proud that you're our girl.

Happy birthday, Soph.

Love,
Mom

Happy birthday, Sophia!

Dear Sophia,

Your birthday is one of my very favorite days of the year. Reflecting on the person you are and the family we've created is such a gift.

This year has been one that will be a marker in our lives. The hard parts of life are the growing opportunities, and you have grown deeply. This year has brought disappointment, loss, fear and change. You have allowed these to be opportunities for growth and reaching out instead of isolation. I am amazed by you every day.

We have had much to celebrate this year, too, and those lovely days have been all the more sweet and full because you have felt the true range of feelings. Your sweet, outgoing spirit has been a joy for us and for all your friends. This year has brought new depth to your friendships, as well, and I'm so excited to watch that happening.

You are a remarkable girl. I am so grateful to be able to be one of your guides for this part of your life. Each year, from here on out, will be leaps and bounds as you develop and strengthen your spirit. I can't wait to see what this year holds for you and our family.

Love you deeply,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Sophia! YOU'RE TEN!!!

Dear Sophia,

It's been a decade since we brought you home to our house on Timbers Court. I remember it better than I do lots of things - not the moment walking through the door, but the many moments of staring down at your sweet, new-to-me face. I remember how lucky I felt. And responsible. I wanted so many things for you. I still do, of course. And now you're ten! Most of my desires for you have already come true.

I wanted you to know who you are. You are more aware of the big things that make you who you are than many adults. That's not to say you'll always feel so confident, but I  You relish the fact that you are a natural leader. Instead of using it to get your way, you use it to help your friends find their gifts and use them. I see that on the soccer field more obviously than anywhere else, but I hear about it in the classroom, too.

I hoped that you would be curious and clever. Those two go hand in hand, and you embody them both. School isn't always your favorite, but learning is. You love to dive into something that interests you. Then you write about it, tell us about it, sing about it, or blog about it. You have moved into the phase of your childhood where your questions are usually bigger than our answers, but that doesn't stop us from digging.

I wanted you to be brave and adventurous. Bravery, remember, is not about an absence of fear. It's about facing that fear and not letting it rule you. That's you. You are afraid of some things because of that last wish I had. You're clever and curious enough to know that risks sometimes have unpleasant consequences. However, your bravery and adventurous spirit usually win out and lead you into amazing things like climbing back on a horse or trying crazy foods or running into a crashing wave. I love watching your mind work and picking a winner between spirit and caution. Whichever one wins, it's usually the right call.

Ten is a huge milestone. One that I haven't been entirely ready to mark off, for lots of reasons, I suppose. But as I write this, I am reminded that you are who you are. I am lucky to get to share you with the world that you're determined to make your own.

Happy birthday, Sophia! May this year be your best yet.

Love,
Mommy

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Dear Sophia,

Happy birthday! You deserve a day of all the brightest and happiest moments that a nine-year-old's day can hold.

You do not want to grow up, and I am not ready for that either. Still, it's the greatest privilege of my life to help you grow and learn and, yes, change. You hate change as much as I love it. That's why I'm always so amazed at your willingness to join me and daddy with excitement when we decide it's time for adventure. It's because you're courageous.

Nine years have gone by in the blink of an eye, yet I cannot remember life before you were in it. My ears have never heard anything as beautiful as the sound of your laugh when something catches you off guard - or when you make a bathroom joke. My eyes have never seen anything as beautiful as your face when it's filled with delight at something new or joy when you're on a horse. My heart has never had more use than when it reminds yours what a worthwhile and beautiful person you are.

Daddy and I love you more today than when he first put you in my arms. For no other reason than you are ours. All the other reasons you give us just stack on top and fill our hearts.

I hope this year is full of your laughter and made bright with your imagination. I can't wait to share the happy days with you and I am honored to wipe your tears when they come.

Happy birthday to my bright and beautiful girl!

Love,

Mommy

Happy 8, Sophia!

Happy birthday, Sophia!

Your birthday is one of my very favorite days of the year. It's true that each and every day we try to let you know how special you are to us. But this day! This day we get to spend more time thinking about all the many reasons that we are grateful you came into our lives, whether we were ready or not, eight years ago.

It seems impossible that this would be the case, but each year with you is better than the last - and I thought my life was complete on the day you were born!

This has been another year of new things. Last fall, you were beginning violin and horseback riding. You've even added in sports! I am so proud of the courage you have. In spite of the scariness that comes with doing new things, as you've posted on the blog, you face it and do it anyway. Because you have confidence in your ability and, I hope, because you know that we'll always be there no matter how it turns out.

In spite of all the activities and the busy schedule of our family this year, we've managed to ensure that the three of us have still had plenty of time just to be together. Reminding one another what it is that makes us work. I hope you always feel respected and heard by us. It's so important to me that you would know that what you think and what you share matters.

My favorite time of day is just before bed when we talk about all the things that have been on your mind. Your sensitive spirit still amazes me. I am always stunned by how much you notice and what kind of things keep your attention. You are a beautiful friend to all those around you. This is made obvious by all the people - kids and adults both - who value time with you and love to listen to you. And as much as you love to tell a story, you still manage to be a great listener!

I hope that your birthday is everything you dreamed. You deserve a day as lovely and fine as you are.

Love forever,
Mommy

Celebrating Erick

This has been one of those weeks - preceded by one of those months - where Erick and I seem to catch each other coming and going. A little tired. Getting rundown. Trading stories and information. Not really able to spend much time looking each other in the eye without the inevitable, "Oh, did you remember to...?"

And today is his birthday. It's a full day for us, and we won't all be home together until it's almost time for Sophia to go to bed.

But I know Erick will feel celebrated (especially when we're doing whatever he wants tomorrow) because even when we have these weeks and months, which are inevitable in the 21st century American family, they don't weaken the bond that we share. I don't have a fear that once we get the time that we need together, we'll have to start from a different place.

This year, Erick and I will officially have spent more of our lives together (17 and counting) than we spent apart (17 even). That doesn't mean, necessarily, that we cannot fail. But it means we've already failed and come back. It means we know how to cope when being made crazy by one another. It means that he knows which of the crazy shit that I say deserves a response and which deserves a chuckle and an, "I just love you."

There is never a day (I actually sat here to think about whether or not this statement was true, and it is, to the best of my failed memory.) that I am not grateful for the day Erick was born. Maybe I'm not grateful in that specificity. I'm grateful every day, and it's his birthday. Get it? I love the guy. I need him. More than that, when I have spare time to look into someone's eyes and have a conversation, I want it to be him.

So, happy birthday to my partner. Thanks for growing with and near me.

Sophia-Centered Weekend

Who am I kidding? Most weekends around here are Sophia-centric. However, this one was even more than most... It was her birthday, after all.

Friday night, Grandmary came for birthday dinner of Chinese delivery. And here is Sophia perched in the window waiting for the food, for Grandmary and waving at her friends.

I made shortcake for her special birthday dessert, and she made a wish.

Then she played a post-dinner concert for all of us. I do enjoy watching her play.

Saturday was Sophia's party at BounceU in Chesterfield. Her crazy friends were happy to bounce around and celebrate Sophia.

Yet another delicious dessert and another wish.

Here's my seven-year-old in all her post-bounce and sugary glory. Very happy with her party and her friends. 

I love Sophia's birthdays almost as much as she does. Of course, I hate the passing years that come with them, but a great excuse to spoil my main girl is always welcome.

Happy Birthday, Sophia!

Happy birthday Sophia!

I love writing this letter every year. I get to think back about all the fun we had this year and think about all the ways you've changed, grown and stayed the same. I get to celebrate the person you're becoming as you get ready to celebrate your birthday. With presents.

Six was as big a year as you've had so far. So much independence and change! Stepping away from the comfort and protection of home and going out into the world in a big way on your own. It's been fun and scary for us to watch, but I am so proud of the way you carry yourself out in this world.

You are one of those people that all people find themselves searching out. You are so full of life. You're generous and kind, with your words and your actions. You speak up for yourself and others, even when it gets uncomfortable. That isn't easy for any of us, and I'm amazed every time I hear that you made that choice.

I've noticed lately that you are more attached to Daddy and me than you have been in a long time. I assume that it's because of all this newly found independence. I hope that you know no matter how much you flex your independence or how far you go on your own, we will always be here. You don't have to check in to keep us here, but we'll enjoy the extra snuggles while you do. 

The challenges that have come with six will continue forever. It's just part of growing up. You always need to know why. You question our (my) judgment. You have a different plan. I understand how that is. And, for the most part, we work through that together. Building trust between us. Developing the conversation that will get us through to 2024 (when you're 18) and beyond. 

I've enjoyed this year that you've been six. Adventure, comedy, drama: all of these have been part of our daily lives with you. I have no doubt that seven will be more of the same. I hope seven is lucky for you! Full to the brim with giggling with your friends, mud in your hands, excitement in your eyes. 

I love you, Sophia. I hope every wish you make comes true.

Love,

Mom

Birthday Weekend

It's safe to say that Sophia's birthday weekend was a huge success. A family day with Grandmary on Saturday. We went to St. Charles Oktoberfest (yes, they know it's September). Sophia got to make some crafts and buy a little something too. Of course a little family park play is involved pretty much any time you give us some open ground. 

It was a beautiful day to be next to the Missouri River.

Today was Sophia's birthday party. She chose to go bowling with her friends from preschool, Kindergarten and from life in St. Louis. That was a shockingly huge success. 

Quite the group of cute little hooligans. Sophia is blessed with the gift to make great friends. And I couldn't be happier for her.

I would love to know what she's so intently wishing for here. She knows better than to share it though. I just really hope that it comes true for her.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Dear Sophia,

I will try to remember not to call you baby in public because you've reminded me many times already that you are no longer a baby. Ever so true, darling, but as the saying goes, you'll always be my baby.

I have enjoyed watching you transform, this year especially, from a little kid into a kid who has plans and dreams of her own. As every year does, the year of being five has come with some growing pains. As we get used to you doing things for yourself, and you adjust to the expectations that brings, we have had to work to find our groove together. At times it's been a difficult adjustment, but it has been completely worth it. I can't wait to see what you get up to next.

Although many things have changed, your personality is still just the same. Loyal, glamorous, brave, affectionate, kind, thoughtful. Hilarious, of course. You do come by that naturally. We have had some incredible laughs together this year. My favorite part of humor that you've really taken off with is your word play. It's been fun to watch you use words to make your own original puns.

I am so grateful for the countless moments bursting with joy that we have had together this year. I cannot believe how lucky we are to get to come alongside you as you become more fully yourself. And I'm grateful to you, Sophia, for still allowing us to share in all the facets of your mind and personality. I can only hope that we can continue to earn your trust and that you will continue to give it as you get into your school years. I know that won't always be easy, but I will try to be a safe place for you to rest.

For now, I'll just wish you a very happy birthday, Sophia. I hope that you can feel today just a fraction of how much you are adored by all who know you. We can't help it. It's just that you bring out the love in us. Thanks for that today and always.

Your devoted

Mama

Gratitude

 

The last month has included Sophia's birthday, a trip to California and the opening of the Disney store in the Galleria, to which Sophia had a gift card.

All that to say that it's been a lucrative month for our five-year-old. I have a feeling that what I'm about to describe is a phenomenon common among children post-birthday, but I can only speak for Sophia. Basically, the more she has, the more she wants. Now that I say it out loud, it's not just kids, is it? It's a pretty common human reaction. Stuff is cool. New stuff is even cooler. Toys and gadgets are addictive.

Most days are actually without greedy incident, but if Sophia catches sight of the $8.00 she has left to spend or sees a commercial advertising something mind-blowingly awesome, then we're back to, "Please, mommy! This is the laaaast thing I'll ask for." And Erick and I are back to being single-message parents. "I'd like to see some more gratitude, Sophia." It's a constant theme. Gratitude is one of the lessons that, as I'm sharing it, I feel an urgency that it eventually sink in. It's a lesson I so often need to hear myself, and it's a lesson that may be the difference in Sophia's life between contentment and bitterness.

In my mind, gratitude and humility are tied closely together. When I am feeling truly grateful for the blessings in my life, it is generally because I am in a moment of awareness that I deserve these blessings no more (or less) than the next guy. When I lose sight of that truth, I tend to have a bigger appetite for things. Of course, when talking with children about humility, it's a short jaunt over to guilt. Learning to share the importance of gratitude, beyond the "Thank you for the gift! It's exactly what I wanted!," which Sophia is quite good at, is a complicated mine field, riddled with the temptation to throw in just a tiny guilt trip. As usual, the best way to teach her is to show her.

High Five!

 

Dear Sophia,

When you wake up this morning, you'll be five! It is very hard for me to believe when I stop to think about it, but you are definitely every bit of five.

Last night, as I gathered you into my lap and you still spilled out of it, I couldn't help but think back on a night that doesn't seem that long ago. You were still in my tummy, and I was reading a story to Aaron and William in their room. Aaron wished that you could scoot over a little so there was room on my lap for all three of you.

As I had you there in my lap last night, I said everything that I'd want to say in a letter to you. I'll tell you again here so that years from now, you'll remember each word.

Your daddy and I thank God every day for the day that you were born. You have brightened and filled our lives for the last five years in ways that we couldn't have imagined. You make us smile, and you challenge us to be more true to ourselves. You look at life with such clear eyes and an open heart. You inspire me every day.

Every day when I go to school to pick you up, I smile to myself with pride and excitement that it's you that I'll bring home. Thank you, Sophia, for being you.

Happy birthday to you, Sweet Girl!


Love always,

Your mama

Celebrating Sophia

 

Tomorrow, Sophia turns five. It's a very big deal, and especially given the year we've had since her last birthday, I wanted to be sure that her birthday was a big deal. Sophia, of course, helped that happen. My original plan was two small parties: one in Columbia, and one in St. Louis. Just a few friends at each so we could spread the love. The Columbia party stayed small as planned, but the St. Louis party guest list was expanded - by Sophia. She kept inviting people that we'd see until I finally had to give in and invite the whole preschool class (fifteen kids!). Her class is pretty close to one another. They all go to every kid's party. It's a good problem, but not when the party is planned for the park and rain is a threat....

So the birthday weekend started at Mary's house, where Sophia received the above Rapunzel doll.

Next came the party at Bonkers. A great time that wore everyone out.

 

After we left the party, we headed to David and Casey's so we could celebrate with family and also celebrate Henri's second birthday! The cousins had a blast.

 

We headed home Saturday night so we could finish preparations for the party in the park, which came off without a single hitch. I have never been so happy for a rainless day in my life. It would have been a tight squeeze in our apartment, to say the least!!

The party was lots of fun, and the park turned out to be a great location. Again, the kids went home wiped out. All the parents grateful for the promise of a good night's sleep...

 

Anyway, it was a great weekend. Tomorrow, she'll get to choose our after-school activities. I can't believe I'm almost the mommy of a 5-year-old!

Happy, happy birthday, Baby.

I love Erick's birthday almost as much as my own, and not just because it's another reason to eat sweets. I just love to celebrate the day he was born. I was 17 days old, and blissfully unaware that just one state over a beautiful baby boy came and brightened the world of those who knew him. I love to celebrate that day because without it, my life would be a whole lot emptier.

Happy birthday to the love of my life and my favorite person with which to be myself.