I'm crying again

I'm not going to try to describe all the things that I'm going to miss about Columbia. And by things, I mean people. Sure, I'll miss Booche's and Murry's and being here on home football weekends. I'll miss the feel of a small town with big city ideas. But more than all of Columbia put together, I'll miss my friends, my neighbors, my spiritual community. So I'm not going to even try to tell you about all the people that I will miss and why.

I miss them already. The rainy gray day with spots of red and orange is a perfect setting for how I feel. A sad and lonely atmosphere surrounding pockets of hope and positivity. I am so grateful for the people who have helped me to find who I am. The people who have loved me and stuck with me in spite of the challenges that being my friend inherently presents.

(Deleted positive paragraph because it was unnecessary to the day. We'll get to that later.)

One Goodbye at a Time

Here's the thing. With my friends and neighbors/family, I have to prepare for a goodbye or a farewell or something of the sort, but at the same time, I am confident relationship will continue. It will be different, with much more time between face views, and not as awesome in many ways, but relationship will be there.

That's people. But with some things, there is no continued relationship. Like Sophia's preschool. Her first preschool experience was brief and stellar. I had my parent/teacher conference on Tuesday. "Sophia is the class social butterfly." "She is friends with all of the other kids." "Sophia is a great presence in our class because she encourages the other kids to participate." Those are obviously awesome things. I loved hearing that about my sweet girl. I just hated that we are taking her away from a place that recognizes and encourages those traits in her. Miss Katie is her teacher, and Sophia and I both adore Miss Katie. Sophia said that she would miss her most of all. I don't worry about Sophia making new friends. I hope beyond hope that we can manage to find a teacher who sees Sophia for who she is the way that Katie did.

At Sophia's last day today, she got lots of hugs from the other kids. They each made her a painting with sweet goodbyes, and Sophia assured them that she would miss them and be back after Christmas. Yep. We have talked a lot about finding a new school that she will start after Christmas. Apparently, she heard that she was going back to her school after Christmas. Damn.

So, on the way home from school, Sophia said, "That was a fun last day of school. I'll be back after Christmas, right?" I told her again that she'll go to a new school with a new teacher and friends after Christmas. "Oh. I told them I'd be back." Then she told me how much she would miss Miss Katie and that she wished they could always be together. Then she cried. Now, with Sophia, I'm used to tears. She has the dramatic gift to create them on a whim. But I could see the difference. These were tears of realization. They mixed with my tears of grief. Grief over the fact that no matter the greatness of Sophia's next preschool, it won't be the one that my friends send their kids to. It won't be the one that Aaron and William graduated from. It won't be the one where they already embrace her for exactly the tutu'd, bouncing, dramatic girl she is. Tears.

She's moved on for the moment. Currently living on the high from having been the center of the classroom for the day. Oh, she was all about that. I know that she'll be sad about it again. For now, we'll just take one goodbye at a time.

Letters

One of the coolest things that is happening in this house has nothing to do with moving. One day, Sophia decided she wanted to start writing her letters.

The amazing part - well, maybe not so amazing when you know her - is that I have been encouraging an interest in writing letters and numbers for months with nothing but a goofy face in response. One morning, she plops down at the table and asks, "How do I write my name?"

It's great fun helping her learn. I haven't had a chance to be a part of a big learning step like this of hers in a while. This is kind of the next big thing, and I'm so excited to share it with her. At the same time, the experience has reinforced my theory that I would be an awful teacher. I just don't know what I'm doing. I get frustrated that I can't show her in a way she understands, and she gets frustrated that she doesn't understand me. This goes on for a while, and then she just writes down the letter we're working on.

Anyway, it's been a lot of fun and a bit of stress. I'm very proud of her initiative in the process. I just hope I can match her enthusiasm.

After a bit of working hard on letters, one of her favorite ways to unwind is to make a mess with paint. That's what she's getting ready to do here. Not all children have to take a bath after they paint, but this one does.

One Week Down

For those of you unaware of the current happenings with house/job/move/anything else we can throw in there, here's where we're at.

Erick is in St. Louis, and I'm in Columbia. Fortunately, we don't have to stay like this for long. Erick had a full week away last week, and we all survived. I learned something important about myself. Four full days is my limit of hanging with a four-year-old. Friday was a little tenuous. Part of the problem was that Sophia only had school one day last week. We have corrected the problem, and she'll be attending preschool three days this week. That should alleviate some of the tension, so I'm a little more positive about our ability to make it to Erick's arrival on Friday afternoon.

Our house is under contract with a closing date of December 3rd. I hope that all holds with that. If so, it would be an amazingly quick and painless process, thanks in part to our dear friend and outstanding REALTOR, David Townsend. I can get you his contact information if you need it... I'm just saying.

Sophia and I move to St. Louis on Monday and Tuesday of NEXT WEEK! It's crazy to think that it's already here, but a very large part of me wishes it was already over. We're just fully entrenched in limbo here. No Erick. No permanence. I am looking forward to a week of lasts, which is good and painful at the same time. However, the truth is that most of my lasts happened the week before Erick left. My last Monday night...at home alone...true, but I didn't have many of these to begin with. Anyway, it's a bit draining just to think about.

The biggest blessing of all the blessings that have gone into this move is that we are using Gaines Moving and Delivery, who is going to PACK and move us. That's right. I'm not packing this week. *Audible sigh of relief* This weekend, we'll get some things into the van and Jeep that might as well come with us, but for the most part, we are free of the burden. I can't tell you how very grateful I am for that particular little tidbit.

And on that, I will say goodnight.

Ladybuggin'

In all the madness that is moving, life in Columbia continues to roll on. One very fun example of that was Halloween weekend! I have never experienced a Halloween weekend more full of activity and candy. I am most grateful for the fact that Sophia isn't a big candy lover. Since amassing an entire pumpkin full of chocolatey and sugary treats, she has ingested only two or three treats. This makes me happy because she needs no help in being hyped and/or wired.

Our festivities started at Sophia's preschool on Thursday. They got to wear their costumes and march around the school.



It was very cute, and Sophia was insanely excited. She couldn't keep her feet on the ground at the same time, so she looked more like a jumping bean than a ladybug. Costume idea for next year? This is Sophia's friend and classmate Eden.



Friday night, Columbia's downtown hosted "Halloweenie," which I think is a spectacular name. Most of the stores were happy to offer sweets for Columbia's kiddos. This is our third year participating in the downtown trick-or-treating, but it was by far the craziest. I think because they made this year different than Halloween night, more people were available or something. It was packed and lots of fun. In the past, we've gone with our friends the Chandlers. Since they're in Seattle, they couldn't join us. However, Sophia was joined by Wolverine and Minnie Mouse, also known as Braeden and Sophia, and we had a lot of fun!





Saturday was a non-costume day, but Sunday we did the normal Hy-Vee trip and a cruise around the neighborhood. It was a great Halloween, and Sophia loved being a ladybug. It was a fitting costume for the flitting and buzzing girl that she is.

It begins...

It's here. Sophia and I are in Columbia for two more weeks, but this morning Erick set off to start his new job and set into motion our new life. It's been the day (one of them) that I've dreaded for a while now. This one holds more dread for me than the other days. We're still in limbo for the most part, but now we get to do it separately.

Erick was home all week last week, in between jobs. It was everything we hoped. Lots of family snuggling, laughing and playing. We didn't really talk very much, except for Sophia, of course. Erick and I have talked this thing to no end, so all that was left was...this. Getting it done.



This is his view this morning. Mine is the same, except the girl in my view is missing her daddy and reminds me every so often. While I understand how short our actual separation will be, it wouldn't be helpful for me to point that out to Sophia. "Well, at least we'll see him on the weekend! Some families go over a year without a real hug!" That wouldn't help her any more than it makes it easier for me.

Selling Our House

It's not news, I know. We're selling our house. Last week, we put it on the MLS with our friend and excellent REALTOR David Townsend. Since being relieved of the responsibility of actually selling the house, I feel more able to grieve the fact that it's happening. Not the move, in general. That's a different kind of grief. But the fact that we are selling this house.

I wasn't blogging when we moved in, so I can't just link to a post that tells you how we felt. I'll have to try to put it into words. We moved when I was six months pregnant. The week before we moved here, Erick and I went to Memphis for the weekend. It seemed like a good idea at the time. That's because at the time, we didn't know that I was a human water retention basin. Seriously, I swelled up that weekend in July and never returned to normal size until Sophia was here. There are advantages and disadvantages of moving while pregnant. The very obvious advantage is that I didn't move a damn thing. The disadvantage was that the huge deal of buying our first house was overshadowed (literally and figuratively) by my pregnancy. The room I was most excited about was the nursery.

I think that is a big part of the reason that selling this house is not easy. It's all part of the biggest change in our lives. We became homeowners and parents within months of each other. This was the weekend before she was born. Enormous, I know. I was only 34 weeks pregnant. I'm not kidding.



Her first everything was our first everything in this house. Here we are enjoying our first Thanksgiving. Apparently, it was a balmy day.



What I'm saying is that it's not going to be easy to leave this house. It feels like another old friend who has seen us through some tears and has been our playground on the chilly or rainy days of the past four years.

But, do you want it? 'Cause, really, you can have it. It's a good place to make a life.