Here's the scene this morning:
Erick had been getting ready for work, and Sophia was very grumpy about the whole idea. When it was time for him to leave, Sophia threw herself on the couch with her face in the pillow. Erick said his goodbyes, gave her a kiss and left for the day.
When he was gone and Sophia was still grumping around, I asked if she was sad. "Yes, I'm sad because Daddy went to work." I told her that it made Daddy sad to go to work too. She said, "No he wasn't." I asked why she thought he wasn't sad. "He didn't look sad."
Now, I know Erick was sad because I saw the tears forming in his eyes this morning. Sophia didn't see because her face was buried in the pillow. At first, I thought this would be a blog about how children still use their entire countenance and body to express emotions, but then I realized that she COULD have seen Erick's sadness if she had been looking. Because he didn't throw himself on the couch and bury his face, she was sure he wasn't sad.
This is a lesson that has always been difficult for me to learn. Just because other people don't express their emotions in the exact same way I do, does not mean they are not experiencing them at the same level.
As one who tends to give out too much information when asked a simple "How are you?", I find I lose opportunities to learn what others are feeling. And all to often my expressions have more to do with processing things outloud than the identification of the core feeling. Others, less verbal, must often feel intimidated and even embarrassed by such ramblings and sometimes TMI. I don't know why I need to hear stuff outloud that is in my head before I can be clear about it. I feel I have terrific listening skills, but when I get asked that question, somehow I think people REALLY want to know.....in great detail! Then I am like Sophia with my head in the pillow, missing some very important information! Perhaps, I need to start a self-help group, something like "Blabbers Anonymous"! LLZ
ReplyDeleteAs one who often doesn't express emotions outwardly, I connected to the "He didn't look sad" sentiment, as I often don't look as happy/sad/mad/frustrated/elated as I feel.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, I tend to alternatively get overwhelmed by and minimize the "face in the pillow" emotional expressions. Responding well is a lesson I'm learning.
Thanks for sharing.