Sometimes I...

...look at Sophia and catch my breath. I'm not sure if she just transformed in the moment or if she's been this grown up for a while.

Sometimes when she says, "Hey, Mommy! Look at me!" and she just wants me to notice her super jump or practiced twirl, I can't help but think that what she really wants is for me to capture that moment in my mind's eye. I hear "Mom, you better watch me. I'll only need your attention a little longer."

It's certainly no surprise, and I know that I am not the first mother to get sentimental at Christmas. That's just what it is. Christmas is a compilation of memories. Mine and yours and everyone else's. Sometimes we're trying to recreate the perfect one as brand new, or maybe we just want to retell it. Or maybe we allow it to remain a pleasant thought that stays quietly in the corner of our picture of Christmas - right next to the hearth.

Becoming a parent magnified those special moments to a surprising level. The moments that I've always experienced are infinitely more tender and meaningful.

Here is Sophia's first Christmas at Granny's.



Here she is just being a goon at home when she was one.



And here's a great Christmas memory at Silver Dollar City.



Don't be fooled. Even though being a parent is what has magnified my enjoyment of Christmas, I still treasure the Christmas memories that Erick and I make every year. Sophia is more fun to watch at Christmas, it's true, but Erick is still my favorite part of that and every season.

 

Pardon my sentimental ramblings. I managed to do so without sharing any of my favorites. Maybe I'll get around to that, although it's not really necessary, is it? Hope the holidays have created some new and treasured moments for all of you.

In a Nutshell

It's been a great few days. The best part is that Erick is still home tomorrow, so it's just like my Saturday! Yippee! So here's an idea of what our days and our Christmas were full of...

Christmas Eve was our day with Grandmary. Presents, food, church. A very full day and a great time!

 

We almost forgot to put out a snack for Santa, but Erick remembered at the last minute. We didn't have any decorated cookies, so we decided he'd probably like a salty snack after all. Pretzels and milk, anyone?

 

Sophia woke up with lots of excitement on Christmas Day. Santa had brought the Little Pet Shop sheep that she had been talking about and hoping would come from Santa all along. He also brought a few other pets and a vet clinic to keep them healthy. I really think that was all her favorite part because it came from Santa.

 

We bought her several more things. Nothing huge this year. I came across this cardboard castle that you can color on. It's been a big hit and has become home to all of her princesses, big and small. Erick only had a little trouble putting it together. She's waiting so patiently.

 

The other thing she'd been asking about for weeks was SNOW! Sure enough. Santa brought her that, too...

 

Before nap, we headed to the movies to see Disney's Princess and the Frog. I highly recommend it. There were a few scary parts, but she worked through it. The New Orleans scenes were fun for Erick and me. That was a really great part of our day. Maybe my favorite.

 

Our trip to Illinois made for a long day, especially with the winter mix coming down and already on the roads. Of course it's always worth it to see family at Christmas. Henri really enjoyed all the activity around him. Here he is with Great-aunt Amy. (Don't know why I had to add the great. Just thought it would be fun...)

 

Sophia got some books from Granny for Christmas. Mr. Willoughby's Christmas Tree was one of them. It's my very favorite Christmas book. How lucky for me....

 

After the trip back in the van yesterday, I was very willing to get out today and stretch my legs. With a little extra snow on the ground, we thought we'd try for a snowman. With the cold temps and powdery snow, this was the best we could do....

 

Then I shoveled. And asked Erick to take my picture. Who knows why.

 

That was still a lot of words, but it's been a big few days! Hope everyone has had a lovely Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

 

This is how Sophia set up our Nativity. All focused intently on the baby in the manger. Hope Christmas holds a few similar moments for you.

Merry Christmas!!

Playing Catch Up

I have been pretty disconnected from the blog lately. I have been pretty distractable lately, so it's hard to pin me down to write too much. Sophia has been downright hilarious lately. She's also been full of vim and vinegar and huge amounts of 3-year-old energy and chatter. It takes some getting used to, and I'm still adjusting...

We've been busy with celebrating and preparing for Christmas. Now I'm excited for the big day to get here.

We made another batch of Christmas cookies. Sophia has been really trying to "help" with everything, and if not helping she wants to do it all by herself. I'm surprised at all she can do on her own, but it still takes a lot of patience to allow her to try new things.

 

One morning we took some cookies across the street so Aaron, William and Sophia could decorate and enjoy their own cookies.

 

Here she is displaying her edible art.

 

We have been enjoying our friends. Some stranger than others.

That's my fondue up there. Oh, so good.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Or today, I guess. We get to go to Grandmary's to open gifts and hang out. Sophia is SO pumped for it. Then Christmas Day will be the three of us. Breakfast casserole. Snacks. Going to see Princess and the Frog. It should all be a good time. I can't wait. Have I mentioned that I love Christmas?

I hope you are all enjoying the time to celebrate this time of year in your own ways. Traditions are great. New traditions are wonderful. Memories are made in lots of ways.

 

Into Oblivion

The video was not recovered from Columbia Photo. Oh well. I'm just glad we have this one, and I may get another version or two as time passes. Eventually, we'll recreate the whole scene from every perspective. Just thought you'd like an update. Now I can move on.

VIDEO!

This video was taken by Molly's parents. Molly is the little girl to Sophia's right, your left. So Sophia is in the shot the whole time, except for one point that things got a little confused... Then in the very last two seconds you will hear (not see) Sophia's famous, "I DID IT!"

Enjoy. I took my SD card to Columbia Photo today, so I may have my own copy shortly.

FYI

There is hope on the video front. Sophia's teacher, Miss Hallie, did get a video since her son Parker is also in the class. She said they didn't get the "priceless 'I did it' comment" but that's all right. I think most of you can imagine that one coming from Sophia.

I'm also holding out hope that I will figure out a way to recover it from my SD card... I'm open to any and all suggestions...

"I DID IT!!!"

Let me just preface all of this by saying that I took a video which has since disappeared. I was distracted during the uploading process and Sophia clicked on something that deleted only the video from the album. Weird. Anyway, I am trying to recover from the disappointment. Part of that process is to recount the experience as best I can and to console myself that after tonight, I am confident there are many more recitals to come.

So tonight was the night. All along, Sophia had been saying she wouldn't dance. I told her it was fine if she didn't dance, but she was going to put on the costume and we were all going to the recital, even if only to support her friends. Of course my hope was that she'd decide to give it a go, but I know her capacity for stubbornness, so I didn't have very high hopes.

She enjoyed getting the costume on, and having Grandmary around helped distract her from the purpose of the costume. By the way, they were dressed as Who's from Whoville and danced to Welcome Christmas.

Here she is in her getup, holding Cinderella (a gift from her friend Ava).

 

She stuck pretty close to me once we arrived. But after seeing her friends and some older kids running around on the stage before the show, she figured she might be brave enough to run around too. A little game of Ring Around the Rosie apparently helps calm the nerves.

 

I am always surprised at how relational Sophia is most of the time. Before the show started, she kept seeking out people she knew just to interact with them and try to join in their activity. This activity was just a cute version of waiting, I think.

 

This is where it got interesting and where the recording stops. Sigh. As soon as the show got close to starting, Sophia ran to us and insisted that she wouldn't dance. We asked if she'd just like to line up with them. She tried a few times but was very timid and would return quickly. Just before the music started, Hallie came and just got Sophia and put her in line. A few tears dropped, but no real crying. Then the music started and it was as if the clouds parted. Sophia immediately began to smile. I wish I could describe their performance to you. All of the children did really well. I'm hopeful that I can get a video from another parent that will at least show the performance. They sang out loud to the words "Fahoo Fores, Dahoo Dores, Welcome Christmas, Come This Way." It was a true choreographed number. They had to step in time with one another and even hold hands in a circle dancing around an imaginary tree at one point. Miss Hallie put a lot of faith in those 3- to 5-year-olds and they really came through. It required lots of listening and understanding, and Sophia did SO well. I was really amazed. Seriously, she smiled the entire time. Then the music came to a close. Just before the applause started, Sophia lifted her arms in the air and yelled at the top of her lungs, "I DID IT!! I REALLY DID IT!!!" The audience all laughed. At that moment, all this silly saga really seemed worth it. She was so proud of herself. She was thrilled that she had done it. It was HER accomplishment entirely. What a big girl.

The rest of the show, Sophia sat with us and kept asking if she could dance with each group. I guess she's in. Now she can't wait to wear tap shoes like the big girls. Should be a fun ride if she's still up for it.

After all was said and done, we did as any parents do after a successful extracurricular activity. We went and had burgers and ice cream. Well, she had ice cream. And boy, was she pleased about it.

 

What a night. I'm sad that you all can't witness it, but mostly I just hope that it stays clearly in my mind's eye. Sophia did it.

Dance Class Commitment Saga

 

For many of you who I have talked with or shared with on Facebook about Sophia's dance class, this will probably be the last thing you want to hear about...again. But I'm writing it anyway. Largely because I find that I still need to process it with words and partly because I think I have learned a couple of important things about Sophia through this process.

For those of you who don't already know what I'm talking about, Sophia has had a rough go of it with concern to dance class. Last week, she left after only five minutes of class, complaining that her "cough hurt." Miss Hallie brought her out really crying, which is way out of character (not crying in general, but skipping dance). Since she was just getting over that cold, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, ever since that morning, each time dance has come up, she has cried and insisted she wouldn't go back.

This left me in quite the awkward position. On one hand, I really don't care if my 3-year-old goes to dance. I signed her up because it fits her and she enjoys it immensely. So if she's done, I'm fine with that. On the other hand, I can see a pattern developing. With every little class or activity she's been involved with, she has fun and likes to participate up until the last few times. Then she's done and never wants to hear or talk about it again. I don't like that pattern. It's a little too familiar. She comes by it naturally. It's one of the weaker sides of my personality. The advantage is that I love starting new things, and I'll try just about anything. The downside is obviously that I don't stick with too much once I get bored with it. This blog is about the longest I've done any sort of recreational activity. Pretty much everyone I know can attest to this fact. I don't really want that for Sophia. I realize that there's no fixing one's personality. But I do think that to acknowledge one's weaknesses, even starting young, could help a person to grow past it. Only one way to find out.

After much discussion with Sophia throughout the week - much to her chagrin - we went back to dance class. On a side note, she's very perceptive. Every time I tried to sneak in mention of dance class without bringing it up directly, she shut me down. Earlier in the week, we were talking about her friends. I listed all the usuals, then added Emma and Ella, who she knows through dance. She looked up at me and said, "They are NOT my friends because they go to dance." Denied. In Target one day, we walked past the leotards. I pointed out one that looked like her blue one and she said, "I don't want to look at those, Mommy, and you don't look either." Shut down again.

Back to class this morning. She went willingly enough, but this time I watched through the window to see if it happened again. Sure enough, they had just started the first song and she started to look really sad. Lip out, head down, still dancing but only with half heart. Hallie noticed too, and I saw her gently question Sophia. That made it worse. Then it continued in a steady decline until the next song when she finally broke down crying. At that point, Hallie decided to try the approach of pretending it wasn't happening. By the end of the song, Sophia was fine. Never to fuss again. Happy as a dancing clam. That was it.

The more I thought about, the clearer this whole thing became to me. I had forgotten how I used to feel as a child. Just like Sophia, I was pretty outgoing and friendly. Shy was never really a descriptor, but I also remember that randomly I would feel a strong social anxiety and feel a lot like Sophia looked at the beginning. If someone mentioned it, I became embarrassed and began to cry. If they tried to help me feel better, I cried harder. If I was left alone, I could typically work through it, and it would pass. Is that typical? I never asked anyone about that before. I don't know why I didn't think of this for Sophia. I guess I thought she was too young to feel social pressure. Or I hoped that it wouldn't be an issue for her. But I really think this may play a big part in what I just saw this morning.

My hope is that since I am aware of it, I can help Sophia to be aware of it. Then we can figure out how to work through it together or help her to work through it herself in the moment. I have noticed that Sophia is completely kid now. It makes sense that the joys of independence come with the pains of living among and wanting the approval of other people. I just hope I can help her navigate all the highs and lows that await her.

I have no idea if any of my conclusions are correct. It seems like I'm finding that either Sophia is becoming more like me, but that seems awfully convenient. Would anyone who knows us well like to confirm or deny or shrug your shoulders on this one? I realize that I will have to be careful not to try to "fix" in her what I don't like in myself. Ugh. Parenting is hard.

24 Hours of Fun!

Really it was closer to 28, but it seems to make sense to round it to an even day.

Erick and I had a fantastic time in St. Louis. Pre-concert dinner with JP and Niki at Cicero's on Delmar Loop.

 

After a cold but invigorating walk down Delmar Loop, we reached The Pageant. We have had a lot of fun in this area of St. Louis/University City. This was definitely the best experience yet. Here we are prepared for a great concert experience.

 

The Swell Season was really incredible. Right on. New music, old music, cover songs. Just a really terrific live show. I thought it was even a little better than the first concert we saw from them. Seemed like they have gotten comfortable with their new found fame and have decided to run with it.

 

After the concert, we went back to Cicero's without JP and Niki, with our friends and neighbors the Grays and the newlywed Orrs. However, it was after midnight (and Dr. Aaron Gray's birthday) and I took no pictures... Back at the hotel, we slept in at our pricelined hotel in the giant king bed under a luxurious down comforter. That was fantastic. I highly recommend the Maryville Marriott.

Then things just got better. We headed home to a very happy Sophia. She and my parents had been having a great morning and were waiting patiently for us to arrive and open our Christmas gifts. Let's just say that so far, Christmas is treating us well. Sophia was really pleased with her gifts, including her very fancy clothes and dog Frenchy.

 

And it worked out really well that she wanted to wear them (and bring Frenchy) to The Nutcracker tonight.

 

I don't really know where to begin about The Nutcracker. Before we even arrived, Sophia was so excited to get to see the ballet, but to see it with Grandma and Grandpa was just beyond thrilling. This picture is the closest to capturing how thrilled she was.

 

I thought we'd make it to the intermission but probably not too much later. I was wrong. Sophia was riveted through the whole show. At one point, she leaned over to me (from Grandpa's lap of course) and said, "I love this show!" Again this year, I was amazed at the fact that in spite of the inordinate number of small children, Jesse Hall remained nearly silent through the entire two hours! When it was finished, Sophia actually cried and said she wanted them to do it again. Apparently she didn't think they should be tired after their performance. Regardless, we headed home. And yes, I am wearing a hat. It's among my favorite Christmas gifts of the day. Feminine but still modern. Like me?

 

What a fantastic twenty-some hours! A really, really great weekend already. The perfect way to celebrate Christmas.

Just a Quick Howdy Do

I've been sick for a couple days. Just the gunk making itself known. I'm feeling better today. Still grumpy. Poor Sophia. And I still have unearthly amounts of snot. Just so you know.

In about an hour, Erick and I are headed to St. Louis to again enjoy the stylings of The Swell Season. This is our second year. You can catch up on our last trip at THIS POST. Same venue. Same concert buddies, add our neighbors the Grays. We're all driving separately and have different plans, but the concert will be fun.

My mom and dad are coming to spend the night and morning with Sophia (after Casey puts her to bed). When we return, we'll have Christmas with my parents. Sophia is terribly excited, but so am I. The evening will be capped off by seeing The Nutcracker Ballet. That blog is HERE. Again, we did this last year, but it wasn't on the same weekend.

So, big plans. Hopefully I can manage to not sneeze and snort through the whole weekend... Updates will come as I manage.

The things Sophia says

I'm sure you've figured it out by now, but our family likes the words. Sophia loves them too. She can make me snort with laughter and then catch my breath because of her sweet spirit in a moment's notice.

Today, we were playing the whispering game, where you don't actually whisper anything but just make the whisper sound in order to tickle each other. Then she leaned over with another secret, only this one was, "Mommy, I love you so much because you're so special to me." Wow. Sweet.

Yesterday, after going on the potty, she said, "So I said to myself, 'Let's get that poo poo out of there!'" Funny.

She's a little crazy on the medicine right now. The stuff that we have to give her for the cough has some steroids in it, and it shows. So I need to remind myself that she is a sweet and funny girl. Not just the hyped up preschooler trying to tackle me at every turn.