Three going on Fifteen

I think I have blogged before about the fact that Sophia goes through occasional stages of "teen-ness." Being obstinate, opinionated, moody and silent by turns. I can't know for a fact that she'll be this way as a teen. I guess I'm hoping that by dealing with it appropriately now I might do away with it little by little in the meantime. (Don't crush my dreams.)

Anyway, last Friday was one of Sophia's teen days. Her behavior all day was actually fine. It was simply attitude and the look in her eye. Asked to do a small task or movement, she would respond with a smirk and denial. I knew that if I asked often enough, it would get done, but I'm not about to beg for action from a preschooler... So consequences came fast and frequently that day. Once I thought we had both had enough, I decided to go for an outing. It was the worst and best idea I could have had. She had moments of sweet temperament and agreeability, followed by bursts of stubbornness only matched by the grittiest and grumpiest.

One such moment came in Old Navy. In the girls' section, there was an entire wall of dresses on sale for $10. I found a very cute little dress and held it up. I was greeted with a sour face and "It's not pretty, I think." Then Sophia proceeded to point out every other single dress on the wall, probably close to twenty of them, and tell me how much she liked them. Again rejecting the one I liked. Sigh. Of course, later when I reflected on the interaction I saw it from her perspective. She just pointed out twenty dresses to my one, and I didn't like any of them...

Perspective could be helpful when this one's a teenager.

Ouch

Anyone who knows me won't be surprised to hear that I have to work really hard to be firm with Sophia. It's not that I have no rules or boundaries, it's just that I like to have fun. I've mentioned before how Sophia has my number, so to speak.

Last night, Sophia showed again that she knows my weak spot. When it was time for supper, I told Sophia that she had to stop playing with the dried beans that she was pouring in and out of containers. When I told her that if she didn't listen, we'd have to put away the beans entirely, she responded by drawing her knees up in her chair and saying to Erick, "I don't like it when Mommy acts like that to me. It hurts my feelings." ouch.

Now don't worry. I'm not going to let her go wild just because she can put words to my fears. I stayed strong. I explained to her (I know. She's two. It's ridiculous.) that we give her rules because we love her. She hopped down and said, "Okay."

I'm pretty sure she was thinking, "It was worth a shot."

It's Thursday....

...and I have nothing post-worthy. Sophia has been a challenge this week for whatever reason. Too good for too long, I suppose. This morning I tried to have a preemptive talk with her about it. She responded that she was sad. When I asked why she was sad she said "Because I don't want to listen." So I'm not sure if I should take that as progress or as a reason to think this week is just a loss.

Oh, and I want to get my hair cut tonight. So that's exciting. Really just a trim, so it's not all that exciting. Oh well. Some weeks are just a pleasure to get over.

The Impasse

We should be at TumbleBees right now. Instead we're at home listening to Mickey Mouse. Sophia has been having a little trouble following directions lately (insert sarcastic laugh here). So today when we began talking about going to TumbleBees, I asked, as I always do, "Will you listen to Bob today?" This time, instead of answering yes, even though it's not always true, she said, "Nope." I believed her. Of course I'm probably just as disappointed. Getting out is always a relief. So, I tried again. We talked for a while about what she might do there today and that she wanted to go. Okay, let's try again. Would she listen to Bob today? She replied "No, Mom," with the tone that said, "Weren't you listening five minutes ago, Woman?"

So, here we are. Home. The photo above is real time. Look into those eyes. . .

Family Photos with a 2-year-old

On Saturday after the parade, we went to Rock Bridge State Park with David and Casey and the boys as we had done last year. It worked out perfectly last year because we each had someone handy to take a family photo and snap some shots that we each would have missed. This year, it was not so ideal.

It was our own fault to start out with. We told Sophia we were going to a park, and she had the entirely wrong idea about what that meant. There were no swings or slides, just rocks and trees. Not really to Sophia's liking. She kept saying, "Let's go to the park now!" Poor thing. She was distracted by a few things. Water:

A leaf lasted a couple seconds.

It was almost comical really. Any time I would get close for a picture, she would push me away or simply turn the other way or yell something unpleasant. That's always a good feeling. After a lengthy walk through the woods, maintaining the hope that we would round a corner on a new attitude, we decided to give it up. On the way out, Sophia was happy because she was riding Daddy's back. So this is the best family photo I could get. Even then, she didn't really want to smile. She just couldn't help it.

Once we neared the van, she - of course - didn't want to go. Erick tried to snap a shot of her "flying" around the grass, but for some reason the camera focused on the grass. I just love the look on her face in this one. So sweet. So deceptively sweet.

Pause for Authenticity

I'm only going to post this because it means so much to me to hear that other people struggle with this stuff. Maybe that's only me. In which case, I apologize in advance for admitting my weaknesses; please disregard and move on to brighter, cuter posts and pictures of Sophia.

Okay, so it's been a difficult week. Yes, Sophia is hilarious and endearing and smart. It turns out, she is also my nemesis. It really stuns me at times how a two-year-old person can push my button, ring my bell and get my goat the way that Sophia does. Each time it happens, I am more than willing to assume it is due to some failure on my part to teach her to respect me or something. I'm never sure exactly where the failure is; I'm just confident there is one.

As I stated in my last post, this has been a hectic week. Our busy schedules have combined with very early mornings and fun things like vaccinations to create the perfect storm. For some reason, when I am tired and busy and have virtually no margin to give, Sophia senses weakness and takes the opportunity to land the knockout punch. I understand that she is two. I'm fully aware that this next season of our lives is going to be challenging simply because of her age. It should be. She is learning to be independent, and I am learning to exercise authority in love. But I also understand that Sophia is perceptive, especially when it comes to me. She has had my number since she was a baby. She knows that my natural tendency is to lean into love and let authority go. It may sound crazy, but it's been proven over and over. I am not giving her too much credit.

Knowing my tendency to sacrifice authority for love (not to say that those who exercise greater authority lack love), I have to analyze each decision I make in dealing with Sophia. It's a split second mental marathon to determine my reasoning and rationale for coming to a conclusion. For example, I am cooking dinner. Sophia asks me to read a book. My natural response is "Yes." But because of my tendency to be a pushover, I think it over first. I go over in my head my reasons for saying yes. Am I doing it because I want Sophia to like me? Should I really finish dinner? How long will this chicken take? Which book is it? Am I afraid of a fit? If I say no, and she throws a fit, I can't change my mind. I'm not sure that mental lightning storm makes sense to anyone else. I'm not even sure it makes sense to me. The thing is, in a week like this one, my mind just frizzes out after the first question. The result is indecision and frustration for both of us.

This morning I shared my frustration with Casey and shed a couple of tears into my coffee. She simply reminded me that not every decision has to be the right one. What matters is that the overarching parenting principles that I believe in are playing out during the day. Also, there are chances for do-overs! If I mess up one time earlier in the day, I don't have to repeat the same mistake for consistency's sake. I can correct it. This is so simple, but it is such a challenge to believe in the moment. A mistake doesn't make me a failure. Neither does a temper tantrum.

Authenticity matters. Yes, Sophia is a fantastic child, and I am incredibly lucky. (She actually tells me that!) But parenting is still difficult because it matters so damn much. (pardon my emphasis) For those of you without small children, I apologize for the rant, but the truth applies everywhere. A mistake doesn't mean failure. Just do what you know is right and stick with it.

Long Week

It has been a pretty long week, and I can't really explain why. Well, two reasons pop to the surface. Sophia has been a bit of a pill. Her worst behavior tends to be followed by her most boisterous laugh, so it's hard to know how to respond without laughing. That's not really true. There have been plenty of times that I wasn't tempted to laugh. The second reason is that I have been TIRED! I don't know why, but I have been exhausted this week. I think it's the mixture of allergies, late night and early mornings.

Sophia's toe is doing pretty well. The nail is still black and loose, but it is hanging on. I'm kind of worried that it will take a long time to come off. Anyway, she is acting just like normal as far as that's concerned.

Yesterday, I took advantage of her attitude to snap a few pictures. She was ignoring me, so it worked out pretty well.

Still ignoring me...

She can open doors

I figured out that Sophia can open doors the other day. The first time she brought me a snack from the pantry to open, I thought I had just left the door cracked. The second time she came around the corner with a giant pretzel container, I realized it was her doing. Sure enough, She can twist and pull. Caught her red-handed.

We had to put on the child proof door handle on the pantry door. She knows which doors are important. When Sophia gets into trouble, she gets some time alone, usually in our bedroom. The door opening became an issue there, too. She wouldn't come out all the way. She'd just open our door and look at me. When I asked if she was ready to be nice, I got a "Not yet, Mommy," and a closed door. She did that several times before she decided she was ready to be nice. We'd probably be the only people with a child proof inside bedroom door handle. Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

Almost 2 . . . or is it 13?

With a birthday coming up, we've been thinking a lot about this new phase. What we didn't realize was that two would be so much like thirteen. From what I hear (I was a perfect teenager myself), teenage girls can be, um, difficult. Lots of their own opinions, they don't like anything you do, and they seem to already know everything! Enter not-yet-two Sophia.

Sophia has become very independent and it's not always cute - although sometimes it is.

What I didn't mention about Sunday's visit with my parents is that she spent the first 30 minutes or so being taciturn and anti-social. When asked a question, she would gruffly answer and walk away. It's not the typical whiny toddler response she has when she's normally being unpleasant, but it's still unpleasant.

Today, we had another phase of teenage angst. Basically, she just doesn't want anything to do with whatever I suggest. Here she is mulling it over. She's not in trouble here. It's just her way of letting me know she doesn't appreciate my input.

Another time this weekend, she and I were having a disagreement over an established boundary. I don't even remember what it was. She turned and walked to Erick, while pointing back at me. She said, "I'm kind of sad at her." It was very hard not to laugh, but in reality I was proud of her! There was nothing bad about her telling us how she felt or that she disagreed, as long as she was being nice about it. So, she's already learning, and maybe having these "trial runs" will make her teenage years more tolerable.